Paris Hilton has broken up with boyfriend Benji Madden. Even though they've broken up Paris says she's still deeply in love with herself.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Poor, Poor Paris
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Good News. Bad News.
This is sad... a 44 year old woman, is suing a strip club where she works for age discrimination because they said she's too old too strip. That's the bad news.
The good news -- they've kept her on as a janitor because her breasts can sweep the floor.
The good news -- they've kept her on as a janitor because her breasts can sweep the floor.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Thanksgiving Is Around The Corner
Workers are getting prepared for the big Macy's thanksgiving day parade next week.
The giant balloons are lifted into the sky as you might know, by a series of string, levers and pulleys... it's pretty much the same technique used to get a pair of pants on Rosie O Donnell.
The giant balloons are lifted into the sky as you might know, by a series of string, levers and pulleys... it's pretty much the same technique used to get a pair of pants on Rosie O Donnell.
Good Idea?
Hillary Clinton could be Secretary of State.. traveling around the world meeting with world leaders. This could be a good thing... many world leaders respect her, it would be good for the Democratic Party, and of course.. Bill Clinton could start dating again.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Stupid OPEC
The middle eastern morons that form OPEC aren't too happy that we are cutting back on gasoline here in the United States. They are threatening to cut production once again, because crude oil is flirting with 50 dollars a barrel. (It's currently at about 55 dollars now)
They are ticked off because they were living high on the hog for most of this year as oil got up to around $150 a barrel. They spent wildly and started showing some muscle. (Russia building up it's military, Iran launching missiles and developing nukes, etc.) Now that the prices have dropped like a rock, they are back to where they were before -- living in the 5th century. And they don't like it. In fact, they are freaking out because they didn't think the prices could ever go back down.
Their main problem is that they aren't smart enough to realize it was the insane high price of oil that ultimately caused their problems. I said to myself earlier this year that surely they can't be that dumb and let oil prices get so high. I thought for sure they'd understand that high prices would cause people to cut back, and get us here in the U.S. talking about other forms of energy, and putting us closer to putting OPEC out of business.
Apparently I was wrong -- and apparently they really were just that dumb.
They are ticked off because they were living high on the hog for most of this year as oil got up to around $150 a barrel. They spent wildly and started showing some muscle. (Russia building up it's military, Iran launching missiles and developing nukes, etc.) Now that the prices have dropped like a rock, they are back to where they were before -- living in the 5th century. And they don't like it. In fact, they are freaking out because they didn't think the prices could ever go back down.
Their main problem is that they aren't smart enough to realize it was the insane high price of oil that ultimately caused their problems. I said to myself earlier this year that surely they can't be that dumb and let oil prices get so high. I thought for sure they'd understand that high prices would cause people to cut back, and get us here in the U.S. talking about other forms of energy, and putting us closer to putting OPEC out of business.
Apparently I was wrong -- and apparently they really were just that dumb.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Burn Baby Burn
You've probably seen the California wildfires on television this weekend... this is the view from my parent's front yard in Corona, California. Thankfully, the wind is blowing the opposite direction. The major highway that gets you everywhere -- is now closed down. The fire actually "jumped" the highway. Unreal...
Friday, November 14, 2008
Hillary's Back
Hillary Clinton could be named Secretary Of State by Barack Obama... Hillary's pretty excited -- she said she can't wait to travel the world and see how many countries she can dodge sniper fire in.
Her and Obama met yesterday in Chicago -- they're trying to show unity in the Democratic party after all that's happened... and I thought this was nice, to bring about some closure -- the two of them wore a simaese pantsuit.
Her and Obama met yesterday in Chicago -- they're trying to show unity in the Democratic party after all that's happened... and I thought this was nice, to bring about some closure -- the two of them wore a simaese pantsuit.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
480 Million Bucks
That's the price tag of the Phoenix Mars Lander that has officially "run out of gas" according to NASA. The Lander lasted for a couple months over it's goal of 90 days on the red planet.At 480 million dollars, shouldn't that thing be running for 20 years? Talk about bad gas mileage.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Save The Date....
Save the date... and be ready to make your reservation starting in January! This event always sells out fast, and we always have a great time! Net proceeds will go to charity.
How Low Can Ya Go?
President Bush's approval rating has now gone below the number Richard Nixon had when he left office.
In fact, he's squandered away so many points, the President is now officially a Saint Louis Ram.
In fact, he's squandered away so many points, the President is now officially a Saint Louis Ram.
White House Visit
Today, the Obama Family went to The White House.
Barack got a tour of the Oval Office, Michelle Obama visited the residence area with Laura Bush, and the two Obama kids watched cartoons with President Bush.
Barack got a tour of the Oval Office, Michelle Obama visited the residence area with Laura Bush, and the two Obama kids watched cartoons with President Bush.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Campaign Jokes
Ahhh... it's finally over. Now what? Well, here are a few of my favorite jokes from the last year or so, during the Presidential Campaign......
Barack Obama has invited Scarlett Johanson to his nominating convention.... not to be outdone, today John McCain invited Wilford Brimley.
Barack Obama had 100,000 people down to hear him speak this weekend... and after the speech, he fed the entire crowd with 6 loaves of bread and a few fish.
Did you know that John McCain's wife -- Cindy McCain is a race car driver? She races cars as a hobby. She won't let John drive thecars though -- since ya know, he always leaves the left turn blinker on.
They say not to count out John McCain... he's survived a lot of stuff... cancer, the primaries, being a prisoner of war, that great flood in the ark....
Sarah Palin will star on Saturday Night Live..... not to be outdone, John McCain's the main guest tonight on the Lawerence Welk Show.
Catherine Zeta Jones will appear at the Democratic convention.... not to be outdone, at the Republican convention, John McCain invited the fat guy from the Subway commercials.
Well, John Edwards finally admitted on Friday that he did in fact have an affair with a 42 year old woman while he was running for President. Not to be outdone -- John McCain said he had a three way with two of the Golden Girls.
Barack Obama has invited Scarlett Johanson to his nominating convention.... not to be outdone, today John McCain invited Wilford Brimley.
Barack Obama had 100,000 people down to hear him speak this weekend... and after the speech, he fed the entire crowd with 6 loaves of bread and a few fish.
Did you know that John McCain's wife -- Cindy McCain is a race car driver? She races cars as a hobby. She won't let John drive thecars though -- since ya know, he always leaves the left turn blinker on.
They say not to count out John McCain... he's survived a lot of stuff... cancer, the primaries, being a prisoner of war, that great flood in the ark....
Sarah Palin will star on Saturday Night Live..... not to be outdone, John McCain's the main guest tonight on the Lawerence Welk Show.
Catherine Zeta Jones will appear at the Democratic convention.... not to be outdone, at the Republican convention, John McCain invited the fat guy from the Subway commercials.
Well, John Edwards finally admitted on Friday that he did in fact have an affair with a 42 year old woman while he was running for President. Not to be outdone -- John McCain said he had a three way with two of the Golden Girls.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Nude Voting
Some nudists in Florida are fighting for the right to vote naked tomorrow. They feel that since they're nudists, they should be allowed to vote nude as well.
One guy in particular was pretty excited to vote naked, since he calls his private part his "hanging chad".
One guy in particular was pretty excited to vote naked, since he calls his private part his "hanging chad".
A kindergarten teacher in California is in big trouble after making her kindergarten students sign a pledge card that said they would support gays.
The whole thing took place at the Ryan Seacrest Elementry School.
The whole thing took place at the Ryan Seacrest Elementry School.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Happy Halloween!
Here are some interesting costume ideas... an i-pod, Steve Jobs, and the i-pod commercial!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
New Book On The Way
Word is Osama Bin Laden is writing a book.
I understand he'll be doing all his book signings at Jihad and Noble.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Big Day At The Stadium
How cool is this? I got to play ball today at Busch Stadium! The KTRS staff divided up into teams and played a fun game of softball on the same field that the big leaguers play on.
Vic Porcelli playing third base, and yours truly over at second.
I'm beating the crap out of that ball, swinging for the fences!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Look Out...
Sources say that Sarah Palin has had enough of advisors trying to shape her image... and they say she's "gone rouge" in the last couple of weeks.
In fact, today at a campaign rally in Indiana, she shot 6 deer from the stage.
In fact, today at a campaign rally in Indiana, she shot 6 deer from the stage.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Funny Man
John Kerry made a horrible attempt a joke during a speech by saying John McCain wears adult diapers....
Can you believe that? Someone was actually listening to a John Kerry speech?
Can you believe that? Someone was actually listening to a John Kerry speech?
Dreams Are Weird
I've had some odd dreams lately. I had a dream the other night that I was arguing with my family about the best way to get a good shave.
That's right, you heard me correctly.
I argued in dream land, that if you let your facial hair grow for a few days, you actually can get a better shave because it's easier to make longer hair soft, thus making it easier to cut. They were arguing the other way around, saying shorter whiskers are better -- since there is less to cut.
And I ask you.... why is any of this running around in my brain as I sleep?
That's right, you heard me correctly.
I argued in dream land, that if you let your facial hair grow for a few days, you actually can get a better shave because it's easier to make longer hair soft, thus making it easier to cut. They were arguing the other way around, saying shorter whiskers are better -- since there is less to cut.
And I ask you.... why is any of this running around in my brain as I sleep?
Friday, October 24, 2008
Halloween Jokes
Here are a handful of jokes that the kids can use when going "Trick Or Treating":
What happened to the guy who didn't pay his exorcist?
He was repossessed
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin
A kid says "Mommy, Mommy!, the kids at school call me a werewolf!"
The Mom says: Shut up son and go brush your face.
What do you say when you meet a 3 headed monster?
Hello, Hello, Hello
How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give them a hand!
Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend
What happened to the guy who didn't pay his exorcist?
He was repossessed
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin
A kid says "Mommy, Mommy!, the kids at school call me a werewolf!"
The Mom says: Shut up son and go brush your face.
What do you say when you meet a 3 headed monster?
Hello, Hello, Hello
How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give them a hand!
Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
To The Moon!
India launched its first rocket to the moon yesterday. India says its goal is to set up the first lunar call center.Yeah, India is heading to the moon.... and today, George Bush said "Hey, maybe we could do that".
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